Monday, April 30, 2012

PUNOGRAPHY

From: Ann B.
Sent: April 30, 2012
To: undisclosed recipients
Subject: Fw: PUNOGRAPHY

Puns
I changed my iPod's name to Titanic. It's syncing now.




When chemists die, they barium.




Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.




I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid. He says he can stop any time.




How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it.




I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.




This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I'd never met herbivore.




A guy got arrested for playing the guitar. He was fingering a minor.




I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I just can't put it down.




I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.




They told me I had type-A blood, but it was a Type-O.




PMS jokes aren't funny; period.




Why were the Indians here first? They had reservations.




I didn't like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.




When you get a bladder infection urine trouble.




Broken pencils are pointless.






I tried to catch some fog, but I mist.






What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.






England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool .






I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.






I dropped out of communism class because of lousy Marx.






I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.






Haunted French pancakes give me the crêpes.






Velcro — what a rip off!






A cartoonist was found dead in his home. Details are sketchy.






Venison for dinner again? Oh deer!






Be kind to your dentist. He has fillings, too.

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